Thoughts

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the past. I have become really nostalgic thinking about high school and college. Its weird how the things that you disliked in the past become the things you miss. I hated eating in the cafeteria 3 times a day for 4 years; the bad food and lack of variety (red beans and rice more than once a week) was something my friends and I complained about relentlessly.

What I didn't realize was that there was something special about eating in the cafeteria every day and sharing a room with a roommate (made annoying by the lack of privacy and dealing with clashing personalities). Although the cafeteria food was not the greatest and living in a dorm was not always grand, I miss the conversation and time with friends that came with living and eating together on campus. Living in an apartment definitely has its perks, but I do feel a lot more lonely now that I am off-campus. I love having my own place, but it just doesn't feel as homey as I would like.

I am definitely looking forward to my new place. I plan on decorating and making it feel more like a home than my current place. I have three roommates here, and I will only have one roommate at the new place so I think it will feel more like my own space. I do wish animals were allowed, though. I really miss having pets, and I would love to have a kitten!

Anyways, one of my new goals is to learn to embrace my alone time. Instead of feeling lonely and sad about it, I really need to use that time and appreciate the privacy that I do have. I don't know why it is that I am so against being alone. I find myself filling up my time as much as possible to keep from going home. Needless to say, that gets tiring and I end up getting stressed out with all of the stuff I have to do all the time. I want to feel more independent and less needy, cause I feel like I am more clingy with Roman than I should be. I get so sad when he has to leave, and I kinda feel pathetic about it. He says he doesn't think I am clingy, but what if that changes? We have only been together for a few months so a lot could change as we get to know each other better.